The picture of confusion that this young man paints is characteristic of the hundreds of victims of sexual abuse by Catholic clergy I have reviewed. First, the victim has not achieved a level of emotional or intellectual maturity to integrate the experience of a sexual encounter with a person of unequal age and experience. Second, the moral ambiguity of receiving pleasure at the hands of an authority figure that publicly represents a contrary moral standard is overwhelming. This is true of minors who have been abused by parents, teachers, or other authority figures, but the burden is especially heavy when the abuser is a clergyman. Some researchers conclude that abuse by a priest is more stultifying than violation by a parent because the clergy represent “God” and “eternal” values. The burden of guilt is foisted on the youngster since in his “child’s” mind if something was wrong it must be his (the victim’s) fault.  Third, the burden of maintaining secrecy places the victim in a position of psychic isolation. He cannot share his experience with an adult. Guilt, embracement, fear and confusion keep him quiet—cut off from adult support and removed from social support of his peers at exactly the time when he needs to solidify his identity via his interaction with them. This is especially harmful at period of adolescent emotional development.

The destruction of trust is common and understandable in one who has been violated by a person such as a relative, teacher or certainly a minister of his church. If one cannot trust a person who fundamentally represents security how can he establish relationships with anyone with confidence that “they will be what they appear?”

This also is directly related to the betrayal by authority. If a priest can act in ways that are “secret surprises” to a person why should the abused have confidence that another person who merits less trust be given a chance of closeness? The foundations of trust have been undermined.

Sexual violation impairs or destroys a person’s self-confidence. The confusion of premature sexual exposure at a period of time when a person is normally faced with the challenge of “who am I?” and “what do I want to do when I grow up?” skews the perspective a self-reality. The boy is not allowed to be a boy with a boy’s problems. The untimely introduction of adult sexual knowledge and exposure distorts the normal developmental sequence of growth. A boy cannot handle, or be expected to handle the intensity of adult male sex drive and knowledge.*

Sexual violation of a minor by the adult always—and I emphasize always—leaves traces of sexual dysfunction to be sorted out. Not the least of these is trying to satisfy the normal sexual curiosity that every young person has. That normal curiosity is distorted because the experience of the adult leaves the young person with a sense of the discrepancy between their knowledge and experience—feeling diminished and impotent, over-stimulated and alone. This often interferes with the knowledge that one should be getting in his education. * The inability to concentrate and achieve in school is impeded, not merely by a sexual distraction and preoccupation. Many victims turn to pornography in the hope that they can mend the ragged edge of their knowledge and experience.

Recent advancement in the understanding of brain functioning is demonstrating that sexual trauma (and each person has his own threshold of traumatic experience) leaves traces in the neuro transmitters of the brain.* The victim cannot “just forget” or “get over it” or “put it behind him.” Repression is different from forgetting because events are unavailable to be processed, but the emotional sequealae remain operative and distort perception and effect behavior. This is one reason why frequent misuse of alcohol, drugs and even criminal acting out follow from abuse as attempts to cope with the indigestible feelings of being abused. Preoccupation with sex, often in secret ways, is often indulged for the same reasons.

The burden of guilt that the abuser invariably dumps on his victim cannot be shaken off easily. Guilt becomes linked to sex in two ways, identity and function. From the younger person’s position the task of sorting out his identity is bombed. Rather than having to sort out sexual identity from the normal sequences of one’s experiences and associations, he is faced with picking up the shattered pieces of his sense of being. At a time of consolidating his feelings of manhood and masculinity he is overpowered with the fear that he is “not normal.” The dread that he may be homosexual at times feeds into sexual inhibition even when sex is appropriate. At other times these feelings catapult the victim into promiscuity or dangerous experimentation with girls, women, or men. The most damaging result of the experience of abuse is the fear or even actions that will repeat the pattern of abuse of a younger person. Some men who marry are inhibited about interaction with their own children for fear that they will be tempted beyond endurance to repeat what was done to them. Most of the time this is a fictitious fear, but nonetheless it is one of the constraint on developing important normal relationships.

Because sex has been introduced into the young person’s life by abuse, it remains loaded with shame and the sense that sexual pleasure is bad.  Every loving relationship becomes a contradiction and a challenge beyond the normal. “How can I do this with someone I love?” becomes the conundrum 

Abuse is a trap. It introduces sex at an inappropriate time in the young person’s development, in ways that are ultimately unacceptable to society and the victim. The violation was perpetrated under the guise of friendship and caring. Abuse is seduction. At best the victim is embarrassed at having been duped, at worst the victim blames himself and looks for some internal defect that caused the attraction in the first place. Abuse is a humiliation in the literal sense—it brings the victim down—and the victim remains there in his own mind. Abuse is a wound to the victim’s sense of self and in spite of healing leaves a life-long scar. The scar of guilt and shame are part of the core of resulting depression. *

All of these elements consequent to abuse “cripple” the victim in his ability to pursue goals—educational, vocational, and relational. Yes, the victim is often impaired in significant ways that interfere with him functioning up to his ability and potential. Even if the abused is able to minimize the effects in one area of function they will appear in another. The ability to work, to love, and to enjoy life is drastically reduced if not destroyed in boys who have been abused by priests.

What price can be put on a life sentence? There is no monetary compensation that can replace the lost years of youth, developmental obstruction, and pain of impaired relationships that result from the betrayal by a priest. It is clear that a person cannot pick up all the pieces of lost time and education. It is clear that people who have been crippled by abuse (analogous to people who face physical handicaps) are impeded from work and relationship chances open to others. 

The scale used to aid a victim and compensate him to the degree possible is akin to compensating a soldier who has been wounded in combat: rehabilitation where possible, which means: 1.) Providing appropriate psychological and medical support for as long as needed. 2.) Giving enough support to finance reparative education whenever possible. 3.) Compensate for the lost income due to impeded educational opportunities. 4.) Listening to and complying with non-monetary requests in the interests of reconciliation and prevention of future of abuse by priests.